Winter Magic

Winter Magic
"Jump, and you will find out how to unfold your wings as you fall." ~ Ray Bradbury

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Missing...

I haven't posted in a long time.  I haven't wanted to write.  I haven't wanted to share.  I haven't wanted to be public.  I retreated.

I don't know if retreating was the right thing to do.  I know that writing has always helped me cope, but for some reason the things that were going on in my life were too difficult to write about.

I am not ready to share it all.  I can share the WHAT but I am not ready to share the WHY.  I don't know if I will ever be ready for that.

On February 1, 2014 I will no longer be married, I will be single again.  In June, 2013 I filed for divorce.

I think a large part of the reason why I stopped writing is because I want to always be honest and open in my writing, and while my world was falling apart, I just couldn't see myself being able to write openly and honestly.  I still don't know if I can.

I thought long and hard about starting a new blog for my new life, but it dawned on me that being a mother and having a family has not changed.  I am still cultivating the wonder of my baby bug.  It may take me awhile to write about the deeper and more challenging things.  I may have to focus on the little things between me and my baby bug; however, I know that in time the writing will help me.

A few things to note:

  • There was no legal battle in the divorce, we managed to do it in 3 hours with a mediator.
  • We are working hard at co-parenting - every choice we make starts with "What is BEST for baby bug" instead of "what do I want".  
  • I am the one that filed, I knew I was going to do it 8 months before it happened... in October 2012 it became a matter of when and how, not if.
  • When I came to the conclusion that I had to leave, the final decision was based on "What is BEST for baby bug"... I know many people find that hard to believe, but if I want my daughter to learn how to be treated by a man, how a loving, empathetic, caring relationship should be, then the relationship either had to change or I had to leave.
  • I knew there were big issues when I was pregnant, I pushed for marital counseling, I continued to ask for counseling for 3 years after my daughter was born.... he finally agreed after I had already made the decision to leave. 
  • I am the writer of this blog, so you are going to get my point of view.  I am sure that my bias will strongly color my writing.  I am sure that there are other points of view.  I am sure that at times it will look like I am placing blame.  But, this is MY blog and it is MY thoughts, MY ramblings, MY issues.... so yes it will have MY bias.  

So a new journey has begun...

1 comment:

She said...

Love that you're doing this. I'll be reading. :)