I don't know if retreating was the right thing to do. I know that writing has always helped me cope, but for some reason the things that were going on in my life were too difficult to write about.
I am not ready to share it all. I can share the WHAT but I am not ready to share the WHY. I don't know if I will ever be ready for that.
On February 1, 2014 I will no longer be married, I will be single again. In June, 2013 I filed for divorce.
I think a large part of the reason why I stopped writing is because I want to always be honest and open in my writing, and while my world was falling apart, I just couldn't see myself being able to write openly and honestly. I still don't know if I can.
I thought long and hard about starting a new blog for my new life, but it dawned on me that being a mother and having a family has not changed. I am still cultivating the wonder of my baby bug. It may take me awhile to write about the deeper and more challenging things. I may have to focus on the little things between me and my baby bug; however, I know that in time the writing will help me.
A few things to note:
- There was no legal battle in the divorce, we managed to do it in 3 hours with a mediator.
- We are working hard at co-parenting - every choice we make starts with "What is BEST for baby bug" instead of "what do I want".
- I am the one that filed, I knew I was going to do it 8 months before it happened... in October 2012 it became a matter of when and how, not if.
- When I came to the conclusion that I had to leave, the final decision was based on "What is BEST for baby bug"... I know many people find that hard to believe, but if I want my daughter to learn how to be treated by a man, how a loving, empathetic, caring relationship should be, then the relationship either had to change or I had to leave.
- I knew there were big issues when I was pregnant, I pushed for marital counseling, I continued to ask for counseling for 3 years after my daughter was born.... he finally agreed after I had already made the decision to leave.
- I am the writer of this blog, so you are going to get my point of view. I am sure that my bias will strongly color my writing. I am sure that there are other points of view. I am sure that at times it will look like I am placing blame. But, this is MY blog and it is MY thoughts, MY ramblings, MY issues.... so yes it will have MY bias.
So a new journey has begun...