Thanksgiving 2012, Saturday morning we are getting ready to head to Temecula for our second Thanksgiving feast. As I am getting Samantha ready DS says he isn't feeling well. He is coughing a bit, but isn't running a fever and seems to otherwise be fine. Nonetheless, he says he doesn't feel like making the 45 minute trek down to Temecula. So, Samantha and I go without him.
The tradition is to spend the night at my parents' home and the next day go to the Christmas tree farm to cut down our tree. My dad and brother help with this, and then everyone comes back to our house to set up the tree, decorate, and eat dinner. I called DS to see if he wanted to meet us at the tree farm, he declined and said he would see us when we got home.
So me, my mom, my dad, my brother, and Babybug pick out the perfect tree, cut it down, and bring it back to the house. DS comes downstairs to say hello, but basically hides out in his computer room until my family leaves. It feels odd. I keep telling myself that he is just sick and that there is nothing really wrong. He isn't feeling well and doesn't want company.
What I learn later is that he does not like being around my family. He says my dad is too "hands on" and "loud", my mom "irritates" him, and he doesn't understand my brother (my brother is a whole other issue). I think about it and realize that in the entire time we we've been married, he never once went with me to visit my grandma in the nursing home. I would try to take Babybug once a month, and even on her birthday he declined and said he'd rather stay home. When family would visit, like my dad's brother, he would come downstairs, say hello, and then retreat back to his computer.
He wasn't like this when we met. I don't know why he became anti-social. I don't know when the computer became more important than family. I just know it did. It isn't because I didn't ask. He just didn't have an answer for me. However, I know that there is more to it... I just don't know what. I suggested counseling... he refused.
So, Thanksgiving 2013 we continue the rotation, except this year we are divorced, so it is just me and Babybug at my parents. And in the middle of dinner my dad and mom look up at me, and I can't remember who said it, but one of them said "this is just like last year". I had forgotten that DS wasn't with us last year.
|All smiles - Thanksgiving 2013|
The first question people ask me about the divorce is "how is Babybug handling it". The thing is, there isn't a whole lot for her to "handle". We'd already started living separate lives almost two years before the divorce happened. It wasn't a strategic move, it just happened. Slowly. it. just. happened.